Prelude and Fugue ~

Prelude & Fugue ~

Fear pushes me to keep going

Even though I am tired -

Even though my hands are freezing, stiff

My fear could be a ruse, at war

Over the unpredictable, yet

Possible outcome from

This disease.

Fear is one day I shall sit down

At my piano -   

Look at the ivory keys

Sheet music in front of me

And not know what to do.

I fear I'll look at my piano, knowing

Keys are meant to be pressed, played,

To produce a sound - but,

I fear that won’t happen if

My brain misfires, loses signals

To capable hands, fingers. Or,

I fear my lucid brain will be sharp -

Comprehends the music, ready to

Instruct fingers what to do, yet

Hands are foreign - stiff, frozen, spastic

Useless.

I do not fear the possibility of relying on a cane,

Wheelchair or scooter - or even relinquishing

Car keys- if I can have my piano keys

Just let me sit at my piano and feel it all -

And I’ll play without fear.

MPettigrew 2013

Prelude and Fugue ~

Prelude & Fugue ~

Fear pushes me to keep going

Even though I am tired -

Even though my hands are freezing, stiff

My fear could be a ruse, at war

Over the unpredictable, yet

Possible outcome from

This disease.

Fear is one day I shall sit down

At my piano -   

Look at the ivory keys

Sheet music in front of me

And not know what to do.

I fear I'll look at my piano, knowing

Keys are meant to be pressed, played,

To produce a sound - but,

I fear that won’t happen if

My brain misfires, loses signals

To capable hands, fingers. Or,

I fear my lucid brain will be sharp -

Comprehends the music, ready to

Instruct fingers what to do, yet

Hands are foreign - stiff, frozen, spastic

Useless.

I do not fear the possibility of relying on a cane,

Wheelchair or scooter - or even relinquishing

Car keys- if I can have my piano keys

Just let me sit at my piano and feel it all -

And I’ll play without fear.

MPettigrew 2013

The Tale of Jack Schitt

We all need a giggle once in awhile to lighten the mood, so here's a little something for ya.  I don't remember who gave me this gem - probably an old co-worker.  I was cleaning out my desk and found this faded piece of fax paper stuffed inside an old file and had a good laugh (which I needed today).  No name of the author was written or even acknowledged on it.  Only the date of the fax receipt showed as August 5th, 1995.  I'm glad I held onto it this long, because it's fun, silly, and I can share it with you!  

When someone says:

“You don’t know Jack Schitt”

Now you’ll know the rest of the story!

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt.  Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Kneedeep Schitt Inn.  Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they produced six children.

Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth.  Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt; and another son, Bull Schitt.  Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.  Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son, Chicken Schitt.  Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers.  The Schitt Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horace Schitt.

Bull Schitt married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt.

NOW you know Jack Schitt!

The Tale of Jack Schitt

We all need a giggle once in awhile to lighten the mood, so here's a little something for ya.  I don't remember who gave me this gem - probably an old co-worker.  I was cleaning out my desk and found this faded piece of fax paper stuffed inside an old file and had a good laugh (which I needed today).  No name of the author was written or even acknowledged on it.  Only the date of the fax receipt showed as August 5th, 1995.  I'm glad I held onto it this long, because it's fun, silly, and I can share it with you!  

When someone says:

“You don’t know Jack Schitt”

Now you’ll know the rest of the story!

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt.  Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Kneedeep Schitt Inn.  Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they produced six children.

Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth.  Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt; and another son, Bull Schitt.  Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.  Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son, Chicken Schitt.  Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers.  The Schitt Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horace Schitt.

Bull Schitt married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt.

NOW you know Jack Schitt!

A Lightworker's Creed

A friend whom I've never met in person, nor chatted with voice to voice posted this image on Twitter about a month ago.  I fell instantly in love with its message...every word.  I've been going through some rocky roads lately and this spoke to me in such a way which felt as if I was receiving a much needed GIFT.  I saved it, printed it, and hung it on my refrigerator door.  I don't think I've told her yet how appreciative I am for this "random posting" of hers and the impact it has made on me.  

Therefore, as I haven't posted anything in a few weeks and insomnia wickedly took hold of me this evening, I decided this to be a perfect, appropriate post.  It sets the tone, presents a clear message of who I want to be...for myself and for others.  I've met many "Lightworkers" over the years who don't even realize they have "gifted" me with invaluable love and lessons.  I too, strive to be a Lightworker...and to pay-it-forward as best I can.

A Lightworker's Creed

A friend whom I've never met in person, nor chatted with voice to voice posted this image on Twitter about a month ago.  I fell instantly in love with its message...every word.  I've been going through some rocky roads lately and this spoke to me in such a way which felt as if I was receiving a much needed GIFT.  I saved it, printed it, and hung it on my refrigerator door.  I don't think I've told her yet how appreciative I am for this "random posting" of hers and the impact it has made on me.  

Therefore, as I haven't posted anything in a few weeks and insomnia wickedly took hold of me this evening, I decided this to be a perfect, appropriate post.  It sets the tone, presents a clear message of who I want to be...for myself and for others.  I've met many "Lightworkers" over the years who don't even realize they have "gifted" me with invaluable love and lessons.  I too, strive to be a Lightworker...and to pay-it-forward as best I can.

"Unity" ~

As we're gearing up for the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Russia, I thought I'd share a poem I submitted in 2012 to "Forward Poetry" based in the UK.  The theme was to write a poem inspired by the 2012 Summer Olympic Games held in London.  They liked my piece & included it in a compilation of poetry titled "The Summer of Sport".  I was thrilled!
Here is "Unity"...

UNITY

Sacred, pure colors, the ideal texture of

Union Jack illuminated prideful appreciation.

Tangible peace felt throughout world-wide networks

Celebrated, agreed to by all mankind...

            For awhile

Colossal strength, poise, dedicated work

Prove their privilege, their deserved honor.

Nations entwined  as one, gracious and grateful

These guests of London, determined to represent...

            The world

Athletic battle amongst countries joyously received

Applauded and embraced, camaraderies, not enemies.

No weapons used in this battle, no one is at war

We are all humans capable of sportsmanship, capable...

            Of Peace

MPP2012

"Unity" ~

As we're gearing up for the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Russia, I thought I'd share a poem I submitted in 2012 to "Forward Poetry" based in the UK.  The theme was to write a poem inspired by the 2012 Summer Olympic Games held in London.  They liked my piece & included it in a compilation of poetry titled "The Summer of Sport".  I was thrilled!
Here is "Unity"...

UNITY

Sacred, pure colors, the ideal texture of

Union Jack illuminated prideful appreciation.

Tangible peace felt throughout world-wide networks

Celebrated, agreed to by all mankind...

            For awhile

Colossal strength, poise, dedicated work

Prove their privilege, their deserved honor.

Nations entwined  as one, gracious and grateful

These guests of London, determined to represent...

            The world

Athletic battle amongst countries joyously received

Applauded and embraced, camaraderies, not enemies.

No weapons used in this battle, no one is at war

We are all humans capable of sportsmanship, capable...

            Of Peace

MPP2012

"Black Hole" ~ A poem about my brain & MS

My MS mainly affects my brain - cognition issues have been challenging for me ever since my diagnosis nearly 13 years ago.  About 6 years ago, my neurologist informed me that my latest MRI scan showed one large lesion had now become a "black hole"...and, it is just like it sounds.  A black hole is permanent - a dark, lifeless area of the brain beyond repair.  Fear is early onset dementia.  Hopes are to keep other possible lesions away from this spot and to limit or exclude lesion activity altogether.  I keep my brain as busy as I have the energy to muster.  I write, play and listen to music.  I do newspaper crossword puzzles and read articles/blogs/books - I try most anything to expose my brain to new information...when energy allows.  "Black Hole" will be understood by many others with MS.   

Black Hole

Dead matter - neurons misfire

White turns black

Empty, void of repair

Overworked cellular

Overtime labor begun

Lesions come, they go

This one lingered, trespassed

De-faced, fade to black

Despite protests

Daunting, treacherous terrain

Threatening nearby white matter  

Memory battles - cognitive ghosts

Deceptive, live versus dead

Defend and protect

As Commander in chief

I give the orders

Build a great wall against –

All around this dark enemy

Contain the prisoner

A life-sentence

Within the hole.

MPP2014

"Black Hole" ~ A poem about my brain & MS

My MS mainly affects my brain - cognition issues have been challenging for me ever since my diagnosis nearly 13 years ago.  About 6 years ago, my neurologist informed me that my latest MRI scan showed one large lesion had now become a "black hole"...and, it is just like it sounds.  A black hole is permanent - a dark, lifeless area of the brain beyond repair.  Fear is early onset dementia.  Hopes are to keep other possible lesions away from this spot and to limit or exclude lesion activity altogether.  I keep my brain as busy as I have the energy to muster.  I write, play and listen to music.  I do newspaper crossword puzzles and read articles/blogs/books - I try most anything to expose my brain to new information...when energy allows.  "Black Hole" will be understood by many others with MS.   

Black Hole

Dead matter - neurons misfire

White turns black

Empty, void of repair

Overworked cellular

Overtime labor begun

Lesions come, they go

This one lingered, trespassed

De-faced, fade to black

Despite protests

Daunting, treacherous terrain

Threatening nearby white matter  

Memory battles - cognitive ghosts

Deceptive, live versus dead

Defend and protect

As Commander in chief

I give the orders

Build a great wall against –

All around this dark enemy

Contain the prisoner

A life-sentence

Within the hole.

MPP2014

Perception ~ Ode to a Panic Attack

I began writing "Perception" a couple years ago, yet never finished it.  Well, for a variety of reasons, today I really needed this poem to be gone!  So, I did a little editing and "purged" it here - cathartic relief!  The affect anxiety can have on the mind and body is horrendous - and for some people, it's debilitating and very difficult to control.  Anyone who has dealt with anxiety/panic knows what I'm talking about.

image by: sixfootgiraffe.com

PERCEPTION ~ Ode to a Panic Attack 

Wildly nervous today

Anxiety surely obvious

Others stare, observe my mania

At this moment, I think they do…

Self-conscious perception

Reality exaggerated.

Mouth dry – side effect of panic

Words get caught, muffled struggle

Fidget, pick at my cuticles

Strange…yet self-soothing

Scan surroundings - searching

            Retreat, escape, release…

Heart races, constricted chest

Breath shallow, takes hard work to swallow

Internal chaos on display, surely they

Must see what I am feeling –

Yet, no one does – only me

            Ridiculous, exhausting.

MPP 2012

Perception ~ Ode to a Panic Attack

I began writing "Perception" a couple years ago, yet never finished it.  Well, for a variety of reasons, today I really needed this poem to be gone!  So, I did a little editing and "purged" it here - cathartic relief!  The affect anxiety can have on the mind and body is horrendous - and for some people, it's debilitating and very difficult to control.  Anyone who has dealt with anxiety/panic knows what I'm talking about.

image by: sixfootgiraffe.com

PERCEPTION ~ Ode to a Panic Attack 

Wildly nervous today

Anxiety surely obvious

Others stare, observe my mania

At this moment, I think they do…

Self-conscious perception

Reality exaggerated.

Mouth dry – side effect of panic

Words get caught, muffled struggle

Fidget, pick at my cuticles

Strange…yet self-soothing

Scan surroundings - searching

            Retreat, escape, release…

Heart races, constricted chest

Breath shallow, takes hard work to swallow

Internal chaos on display, surely they

Must see what I am feeling –

Yet, no one does – only me

            Ridiculous, exhausting.

MPP 2012

For Charlie ~ On His 14th Birthday

My wonderful nephew is growing up so fast - makes me sad and happy at the same time.  I wrote this and gave it to him last month on his birthday.  Writing this and watching his face as he read it meant a lot to me...and I think it meant a lot to him too. 

Artist: Peter Max

For Charlie ~ On His 14th Birthday

I see you

And, I’m proud.

Though, not always frequent

Or up close and personal

I see you

And I’m proud.

From early tow-headed toddler days

When all you needed was your ragged

“Peelow”.  Torn up from constant cuddles,

And daily affections –

To Cowboys and Madden obsessions.

Excelling in sports yourself, such strength,

Prowess in athletic and academia talent.

I see you now…

And, I’m proud.

Although, sad to see you grow,

Faster – too fast – year after year

You’re now a young man cub –

A young man with a future so dazzling

I’m thrilled for you, the thought makes me smile…

Because I see you

And, I’m proud.

  

With compassion, you look out for others

Protecting those around you –

With humor, you remain grounded,

Overcome challenges, lightening up drama –

With determined focus, you possess a maturity

Stronger than myself, at age 14.

I know this because

I see you

And, I’m proud.

My wish for you on this day,

This year - your 14^th birthday, is this:

Celebrate the YOU yesterday and today -

Celebrate the YOU yet to come.

Be proud of yourself, embrace the gift that isYOU –

So deserved, earned over the years –

See yourself then, now, and tomorrow

And, be proud!

For Charlie ~ On His 14th Birthday

My wonderful nephew is growing up so fast - makes me sad and happy at the same time.  I wrote this and gave it to him last month on his birthday.  Writing this and watching his face as he read it meant a lot to me...and I think it meant a lot to him too. 

Artist: Peter Max

For Charlie ~ On His 14th Birthday

I see you

And, I’m proud.

Though, not always frequent

Or up close and personal

I see you

And I’m proud.

From early tow-headed toddler days

When all you needed was your ragged

“Peelow”.  Torn up from constant cuddles,

And daily affections –

To Cowboys and Madden obsessions.

Excelling in sports yourself, such strength,

Prowess in athletic and academia talent.

I see you now…

And, I’m proud.

Although, sad to see you grow,

Faster – too fast – year after year

You’re now a young man cub –

A young man with a future so dazzling

I’m thrilled for you, the thought makes me smile…

Because I see you

And, I’m proud.

  

With compassion, you look out for others

Protecting those around you –

With humor, you remain grounded,

Overcome challenges, lightening up drama –

With determined focus, you possess a maturity

Stronger than myself, at age 14.

I know this because

I see you

And, I’m proud.

My wish for you on this day,

This year - your 14^th birthday, is this:

Celebrate the YOU yesterday and today -

Celebrate the YOU yet to come.

Be proud of yourself, embrace the gift that is YOU –

So deserved, earned over the years –

See yourself then, now, and tomorrow

And, be proud!

Prelude and Fugue ~

Prelude & Fugue ~

Fear pushes me to keep going

Even though I am tired -

Even though my hands are freezing, stiff

My fear could be a ruse, at war

Over the unpredictable, yet

Possible outcome from

This disease.

Fear is one day I shall sit down

At my piano -   

Look at the ivory keys

Sheet music in front of me

And not know what to do.

I fear I'll look at my piano, knowing

Keys are meant to be pressed, played,

To produce a sound - but,

I fear that won’t happen if

My brain misfires, loses signals

To capable hands, fingers. Or,

I fear my lucid brain will be sharp -

Comprehends the music, ready to

Instruct fingers what to do, yet

Hands are foreign - stiff, frozen, spastic

Useless.

I do not fear the possibility of relying on a cane,

Wheelchair or scooter - or even relinquishing

Car keys- if I can have my piano keys

Just let me sit at my piano and feel it all -

And I’ll play without fear.

MPettigrew 2013

Prelude and Fugue ~

Prelude & Fugue ~

Fear pushes me to keep going

Even though I am tired -

Even though my hands are freezing, stiff

My fear could be a ruse, at war

Over the unpredictable, yet

Possible outcome from

This disease.

Fear is one day I shall sit down

At my piano -   

Look at the ivory keys

Sheet music in front of me

And not know what to do.

I fear I'll look at my piano, knowing

Keys are meant to be pressed, played,

To produce a sound - but,

I fear that won’t happen if

My brain misfires, loses signals

To capable hands, fingers. Or,

I fear my lucid brain will be sharp -

Comprehends the music, ready to

Instruct fingers what to do, yet

Hands are foreign - stiff, frozen, spastic

Useless.

I do not fear the possibility of relying on a cane,

Wheelchair or scooter - or even relinquishing

Car keys- if I can have my piano keys

Just let me sit at my piano and feel it all -

And I’ll play without fear.

MPettigrew 2013

The Tale of Jack Schitt

We all need a giggle once in awhile to lighten the mood, so here's a little something for ya.  I don't remember who gave me this gem - probably an old co-worker.  I was cleaning out my desk and found this faded piece of fax paper stuffed inside an old file and had a good laugh (which I needed today).  No name of the author was written or even acknowledged on it.  Only the date of the fax receipt showed as August 5th, 1995.  I'm glad I held onto it this long, because it's fun, silly, and I can share it with you!  

When someone says:

“You don’t know Jack Schitt”

Now you’ll know the rest of the story!

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt.  Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Kneedeep Schitt Inn.  Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they produced six children.

Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth.  Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt; and another son, Bull Schitt.  Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.  Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son, Chicken Schitt.  Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers.  The Schitt Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horace Schitt.

Bull Schitt married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt.

NOW you know Jack Schitt!

The Tale of Jack Schitt

We all need a giggle once in awhile to lighten the mood, so here's a little something for ya.  I don't remember who gave me this gem - probably an old co-worker.  I was cleaning out my desk and found this faded piece of fax paper stuffed inside an old file and had a good laugh (which I needed today).  No name of the author was written or even acknowledged on it.  Only the date of the fax receipt showed as August 5th, 1995.  I'm glad I held onto it this long, because it's fun, silly, and I can share it with you!  

When someone says:

“You don’t know Jack Schitt”

Now you’ll know the rest of the story!

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt.  Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate married Oh Schitt, the owner of the Kneedeep Schitt Inn.  Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they produced six children.

Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth.  Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt; and another son, Bull Schitt.  Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.  Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son, Chicken Schitt.  Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers.  The Schitt Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horace Schitt.

Bull Schitt married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt.

NOW you know Jack Schitt!

A Lightworker's Creed

A friend whom I've never met in person, nor chatted with voice to voice posted this image on Twitter about a month ago.  I fell instantly in love with its message...every word.  I've been going through some rocky roads lately and this spoke to me in such a way which felt as if I was receiving a much needed GIFT.  I saved it, printed it, and hung it on my refrigerator door.  I don't think I've told her yet how appreciative I am for this "random posting" of hers and the impact it has made on me.  

Therefore, as I haven't posted anything in a few weeks and insomnia wickedly took hold of me this evening, I decided this to be a perfect, appropriate post.  It sets the tone, presents a clear message of who I want to be...for myself and for others.  I've met many "Lightworkers" over the years who don't even realize they have "gifted" me with invaluable love and lessons.  I too, strive to be a Lightworker...and to pay-it-forward as best I can.

A Lightworker's Creed

A friend whom I've never met in person, nor chatted with voice to voice posted this image on Twitter about a month ago.  I fell instantly in love with its message...every word.  I've been going through some rocky roads lately and this spoke to me in such a way which felt as if I was receiving a much needed GIFT.  I saved it, printed it, and hung it on my refrigerator door.  I don't think I've told her yet how appreciative I am for this "random posting" of hers and the impact it has made on me.  

Therefore, as I haven't posted anything in a few weeks and insomnia wickedly took hold of me this evening, I decided this to be a perfect, appropriate post.  It sets the tone, presents a clear message of who I want to be...for myself and for others.  I've met many "Lightworkers" over the years who don't even realize they have "gifted" me with invaluable love and lessons.  I too, strive to be a Lightworker...and to pay-it-forward as best I can.

"Unity" ~

As we're gearing up for the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Russia, I thought I'd share a poem I submitted in 2012 to "Forward Poetry" based in the UK.  The theme was to write a poem inspired by the 2012 Summer Olympic Games held in London.  They liked my piece & included it in a compilation of poetry titled "The Summer of Sport".  I was thrilled!
Here is "Unity"...

UNITY

Sacred, pure colors, the ideal texture of

Union Jack illuminated prideful appreciation.

Tangible peace felt throughout world-wide networks

Celebrated, agreed to by all mankind...

            For awhile

Colossal strength, poise, dedicated work

Prove their privilege, their deserved honor.

Nations entwined  as one, gracious and grateful

These guests of London, determined to represent...

            The world

Athletic battle amongst countries joyously received

Applauded and embraced, camaraderies, not enemies.

No weapons used in this battle, no one is at war

We are all humans capable of sportsmanship, capable...

            Of Peace

MPP2012

"Unity" ~

As we're gearing up for the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Russia, I thought I'd share a poem I submitted in 2012 to "Forward Poetry" based in the UK.  The theme was to write a poem inspired by the 2012 Summer Olympic Games held in London.  They liked my piece & included it in a compilation of poetry titled "The Summer of Sport".  I was thrilled!
Here is "Unity"...

UNITY

Sacred, pure colors, the ideal texture of

Union Jack illuminated prideful appreciation.

Tangible peace felt throughout world-wide networks

Celebrated, agreed to by all mankind...

            For awhile

Colossal strength, poise, dedicated work

Prove their privilege, their deserved honor.

Nations entwined  as one, gracious and grateful

These guests of London, determined to represent...

            The world

Athletic battle amongst countries joyously received

Applauded and embraced, camaraderies, not enemies.

No weapons used in this battle, no one is at war

We are all humans capable of sportsmanship, capable...

            Of Peace

MPP2012

"Black Hole" ~ A poem about my brain & MS

My MS mainly affects my brain - cognition issues have been challenging for me ever since my diagnosis nearly 13 years ago.  About 6 years ago, my neurologist informed me that my latest MRI scan showed one large lesion had now become a "black hole"...and, it is just like it sounds.  A black hole is permanent - a dark, lifeless area of the brain beyond repair.  Fear is early onset dementia.  Hopes are to keep other possible lesions away from this spot and to limit or exclude lesion activity altogether.  I keep my brain as busy as I have the energy to muster.  I write, play and listen to music.  I do newspaper crossword puzzles and read articles/blogs/books - I try most anything to expose my brain to new information...when energy allows.  "Black Hole" will be understood by many others with MS.   

Black Hole

Dead matter - neurons misfire

White turns black

Empty, void of repair

Overworked cellular

Overtime labor begun

Lesions come, they go

This one lingered, trespassed

De-faced, fade to black

Despite protests

Daunting, treacherous terrain

Threatening nearby white matter  

Memory battles - cognitive ghosts

Deceptive, live versus dead

Defend and protect

As Commander in chief

I give the orders

Build a great wall against –

All around this dark enemy

Contain the prisoner

A life-sentence

Within the hole.

MPP2014

"Black Hole" ~ A poem about my brain & MS

My MS mainly affects my brain - cognition issues have been challenging for me ever since my diagnosis nearly 13 years ago.  About 6 years ago, my neurologist informed me that my latest MRI scan showed one large lesion had now become a "black hole"...and, it is just like it sounds.  A black hole is permanent - a dark, lifeless area of the brain beyond repair.  Fear is early onset dementia.  Hopes are to keep other possible lesions away from this spot and to limit or exclude lesion activity altogether.  I keep my brain as busy as I have the energy to muster.  I write, play and listen to music.  I do newspaper crossword puzzles and read articles/blogs/books - I try most anything to expose my brain to new information...when energy allows.  "Black Hole" will be understood by many others with MS.   

Black Hole

Dead matter - neurons misfire

White turns black

Empty, void of repair

Overworked cellular

Overtime labor begun

Lesions come, they go

This one lingered, trespassed

De-faced, fade to black

Despite protests

Daunting, treacherous terrain

Threatening nearby white matter  

Memory battles - cognitive ghosts

Deceptive, live versus dead

Defend and protect

As Commander in chief

I give the orders

Build a great wall against –

All around this dark enemy

Contain the prisoner

A life-sentence

Within the hole.

MPP2014

Perception ~ Ode to a Panic Attack

I began writing "Perception" a couple years ago, yet never finished it.  Well, for a variety of reasons, today I really needed this poem to be gone!  So, I did a little editing and "purged" it here - cathartic relief!  The affect anxiety can have on the mind and body is horrendous - and for some people, it's debilitating and very difficult to control.  Anyone who has dealt with anxiety/panic knows what I'm talking about.

image by: sixfootgiraffe.com

PERCEPTION ~ Ode to a Panic Attack 

Wildly nervous today

Anxiety surely obvious

Others stare, observe my mania

At this moment, I think they do…

Self-conscious perception

Reality exaggerated.

Mouth dry – side effect of panic

Words get caught, muffled struggle

Fidget, pick at my cuticles

Strange…yet self-soothing

Scan surroundings - searching

            Retreat, escape, release…

Heart races, constricted chest

Breath shallow, takes hard work to swallow

Internal chaos on display, surely they

Must see what I am feeling –

Yet, no one does – only me

            Ridiculous, exhausting.

MPP 2012

Perception ~ Ode to a Panic Attack

I began writing "Perception" a couple years ago, yet never finished it.  Well, for a variety of reasons, today I really needed this poem to be gone!  So, I did a little editing and "purged" it here - cathartic relief!  The affect anxiety can have on the mind and body is horrendous - and for some people, it's debilitating and very difficult to control.  Anyone who has dealt with anxiety/panic knows what I'm talking about.

image by: sixfootgiraffe.com

PERCEPTION ~ Ode to a Panic Attack 

Wildly nervous today

Anxiety surely obvious

Others stare, observe my mania

At this moment, I think they do…

Self-conscious perception

Reality exaggerated.

Mouth dry – side effect of panic

Words get caught, muffled struggle

Fidget, pick at my cuticles

Strange…yet self-soothing

Scan surroundings - searching

            Retreat, escape, release…

Heart races, constricted chest

Breath shallow, takes hard work to swallow

Internal chaos on display, surely they

Must see what I am feeling –

Yet, no one does – only me

            Ridiculous, exhausting.

MPP 2012

For Charlie ~ On His 14th Birthday

My wonderful nephew is growing up so fast - makes me sad and happy at the same time.  I wrote this and gave it to him last month on his birthday.  Writing this and watching his face as he read it meant a lot to me...and I think it meant a lot to him too. 

Artist: Peter Max

For Charlie ~ On His 14th Birthday

I see you

And, I’m proud.

Though, not always frequent

Or up close and personal

I see you

And I’m proud.

From early tow-headed toddler days

When all you needed was your ragged

“Peelow”.  Torn up from constant cuddles,

And daily affections –

To Cowboys and Madden obsessions.

Excelling in sports yourself, such strength,

Prowess in athletic and academia talent.

I see you now…

And, I’m proud.

Although, sad to see you grow,

Faster – too fast – year after year

You’re now a young man cub –

A young man with a future so dazzling

I’m thrilled for you, the thought makes me smile…

Because I see you

And, I’m proud.

  

With compassion, you look out for others

Protecting those around you –

With humor, you remain grounded,

Overcome challenges, lightening up drama –

With determined focus, you possess a maturity

Stronger than myself, at age 14.

I know this because

I see you

And, I’m proud.

My wish for you on this day,

This year - your 14^th birthday, is this:

Celebrate the YOU yesterday and today -

Celebrate the YOU yet to come.

Be proud of yourself, embrace the gift that isYOU –

So deserved, earned over the years –

See yourself then, now, and tomorrow

And, be proud!

For Charlie ~ On His 14th Birthday

My wonderful nephew is growing up so fast - makes me sad and happy at the same time.  I wrote this and gave it to him last month on his birthday.  Writing this and watching his face as he read it meant a lot to me...and I think it meant a lot to him too. 

Artist: Peter Max

For Charlie ~ On His 14th Birthday

I see you

And, I’m proud.

Though, not always frequent

Or up close and personal

I see you

And I’m proud.

From early tow-headed toddler days

When all you needed was your ragged

“Peelow”.  Torn up from constant cuddles,

And daily affections –

To Cowboys and Madden obsessions.

Excelling in sports yourself, such strength,

Prowess in athletic and academia talent.

I see you now…

And, I’m proud.

Although, sad to see you grow,

Faster – too fast – year after year

You’re now a young man cub –

A young man with a future so dazzling

I’m thrilled for you, the thought makes me smile…

Because I see you

And, I’m proud.

  

With compassion, you look out for others

Protecting those around you –

With humor, you remain grounded,

Overcome challenges, lightening up drama –

With determined focus, you possess a maturity

Stronger than myself, at age 14.

I know this because

I see you

And, I’m proud.

My wish for you on this day,

This year - your 14^th birthday, is this:

Celebrate the YOU yesterday and today -

Celebrate the YOU yet to come.

Be proud of yourself, embrace the gift that is YOU –

So deserved, earned over the years –

See yourself then, now, and tomorrow

And, be proud!